Universal Medicine detractions, retractions, titillations & gossip March 2018

8 March 2018 – International Women’s Day special – Eunice Minford on Esoteric Breast Massage

16 March 2018 – quick legal update

23 March 2018 – *Birthday gossip *UM dumps on Vietnam

23 March 2018 gossip

Come 26 March it’s the birthday of our very own sixth dimensional avatar, who I suspect will sellabrate his 55 years in his current form like a ‘hermaphrodite’ or something. But I do wonder how much one can sellabrate a birthday when one preaches that human beings are one of the lowest forms in the universe, and being born is an unfortunate and rather expensive side effect of the dreary, loveless and painful Path of Return to Sham-balla.

Whatever. Otherwise, I have no idea what’s going on with YouTube and the three Unpacking Universal Medicine videos that have been taken down. Apparently the Co-Creative responded to my Counter Notification and wrote something or other to YouTube. Stalling I imagine. Whingeing. I’ve requested a copy of their correspondence. Their objection to my films is not a legitimate copyright claim, and if they want to argue it in court, they’ll be taking on my team of media lawyers – with guaranteed media coverage. Plus, there are serious consequences for making groundless legal threats of copyright infringement. Sooner or later my films will be back online.

News glorious news

But the real news is that I’m expecting news. As in, proper news organization news about our favourite bunch of grandiose victims. Keep your eyes on my social media, and if anyone knows someone unfortunate enough to work at the Australian Press Council, perhaps tip them off. Prepare for the loony cyber-bombardment and shrill cries of ‘abuse‘ and ‘pogrom’.

In some other fun news, the producers of a fabulous ABC TV series that starts its season in May called me today to let me know I’ll be getting a credit at the end of one of the episodes. Apparently I provided some useful consultation about cults, and I’ll be one of the people they thank. Which was rather nice really. 🤓☺️ I’ll let you know when it goes to air.

Happy BD Leo

Happy Birthday Leo!

Anyway, while we wait for the news orgs to dot their i’s etc. I thought we could run another comp. Just answer the quandary: *What do you give the man who has everything in the universe – who knows more than any scientist in his inner heart  – who can answer any question about any mystery in the universe? What is the perfect gift for such a mythic being?!*

Ready, set, GO!

First prize is me squatting in your home for six months. Second prize is me squatting in your home for seven months. Third prize is me squatting in your home for nine months, and I’ll bring Princess, and we’ll do the cooking.

Glorious bankruptcy update

For those of you who haven’t heard, I’m bankrupt. It means that I no longer accept monetary donations and gifts. The bankruptcy authority classifies those as assets and confiscates them.

You can however pay me for the enormous amount of work I’m doing as an independent investigative journalist, continuing to investigate and publish material about a controversial multimillion dollar corporation, and legally defending my publications. I need you to pay me for this work because defending my publications is a full time job and it means it’s impossible for me to secure employment, and it makes me ineligible for Centrelink benefits. I have no other income, and I have expenses, and I’ve just been evicted. Unfortunately I live in the renovation capital of the universe and I’ve been turfed out.

You all appreciate how much work goes into my publishing. It’s important that I get my defences to trial, otherwise these public resources will be taken down. We are now only 5 months from the trial in Sydney – starting on 3 September 2018.

So please support my journalism and pay me for my services. Bank and Paypal details are at the top of the page. Note that if you mark your bank transfers as a gift or donation, that money will be taken off me. Please contact me if you have questions.

Way of the Livingness Retreat Season

It’s that time of year for UM’s Retreats from reality, where Goonellabah’s finest Ascended Masters take their cash raking roadshow international. So far they’ve done Vietnam, which came with a rash of Esoteric nuptials and a bonus monsoon. Let’s hope those marriages last longer than their relationship role models’.

This year’s Retreat from reality theme is Esoteric Oddball Odyssey, where UM’s habitual subscribers make their pilgrimage to one or more sacred commercial sites and spend five days plugging their ears with Esotericisms to block out the Siren call of ‘Wake up? What are you thinking? WTF?!’ Year upon year the faith-full steer their flimsy delusions off course, not always avoiding the jagged rocks of facts and accountability, tumbling overboard on occasion and drowning in a sea of their own hubris and histrionics, and eventually dashing themselves to smithereens against the towering granite cliffs of their deeply ingrained mediocrity.

$1695 AUD per punter

Includes green vegetables, fruit, nuts, water and a bit of fish. 

They pay extra for a bunk in the Lighthouse flophouse where one can lay one’s muddled head on a healing symbol pillowcase and everyone gets to play musical farts and keep an eye on each other.

But never mind that. The internet is a gift that just keeps giving. Especially when it comes to UM and their grabs for literally any publicity they can get. I happened to stumble upon this on a Google image search for 21st century avatars. It’s quite possibly the most hilariously marvellous bit of PR UM have managed yet.

Hoi An emerges as destination for Esoteric health tourism in Vietnam!

Truly! Who wrote that press release, lol!

Read on. Dear God. Read on.

Vietnam Friendship UM 1.png

Hang on, aren’t they all supposed to be in cracking AMAZING health!?? Above the median or something the propaganda team dreamt up????

Mental therapy!? 😅

And look, this explains a hell of a lot…

Vietnam Friendship UM 2

Ha ha ha ah haha hahahHHhaahhaahah  😂😂🤣🤣😂

16 March – short legal update

I sought orders for further discovery in the Benhayon v Rockett proceedings on 1 February. No, we don’t have a judgment on that yet. It was a complex argument with a long list of requests. Her Honour said she anticipated giving an oral ruling, but I tend to think it will be a written judgment given that it’s fairly complicated. You’ll be first to know when she hands it down, so keep your pantyhose on while we wait for that. Don’t wig out.

In other news, Raphael & Karam have to seek leave from the court to proceed against me now that I’m bankrupt. It’s just a formality. There’s a short hearing on Monday, but there will be no argument. Team UM also wanted to argue an issue about costs. They filed a further amended statement of claim in Queensland in November, but the rules say that if they do that, they have to pay the ‘costs thrown away’ of the other side having to amend their pleading in reply. Long technical story you don’t need to know, but guess what, UM don’t want to pay the costs of my barrister doing the work on that, which was about $13k.

The changes they made to their claim were large. It would have been about $5k more if we weren’t running out of time, and I didn’t do the additional work required on it myself. More again if Senior or Queens Counsel had made the amendments.

The changes are large in the sense that the substance of UM’s claim and my defence is no different than it was before, but they added 45 subparagraphs. To properly put in a defence to their claim I have to answer every paragraph, and the answers to those paragraphs are found in the majority of what was a 150 page defence document. But their filing meant that my team had to add more pleadings of justification, and then redraft most of that 150 pages. Put it this way, let’s say UM rearranged all the furniture. The furniture in my defence also had to be rearranged to match it, otherwise the tv would be under the washing machine, and the dining chairs would be in the fridge, and no one would know what related to what – which might be normal for UM, but it doesn’t hold up in court.

The court imposes rules to deter parties from making changes whenever they feel to from their innermost and causing cost and inconvenience to the other side. The rules also make an allowance for the court to make a judgment against the rule if there are some remarkable circumstances, but there has to be a good reason for that. I’ll be arguing UM doesn’t have one, as I’ve pointed out to them in letters.

Anyway we’ll have that argument on a later date. Reason being that my barrister, who was going to appear for me for the first time, was selected on 10 March to take the former senator (and former federal Attorney General) George Brandis’ seat in the upper house of federal parliament. In other words, Amanda became a Senator. At 35 years of age.

Which is great news, particularly seeing she is a very strong advocate of free speech and that is one of her main platforms. But not great news for me because she was called immediately to Canberra and can no longer represent me. She spent this week trying to find substitute counsel for her clients and packing up her practice. My QC is not available on Monday, and try as we all might, we couldn’t find anyone else to appear for me. No one was available. So we asked Team UM to adjourn the costs thrown away argument.

A couple of fun facts. UM appear to be dumbfounded that lawyers want to help my defence (- reality can be tough that way -), but Amanda joined my team with Rob the QC last year. We didn’t hear from her sooner because she was on leave for six months.

Second, she’s a representative of the same political coalition as Ray Karam. She was selected by her peers from a line up of 12 candidates.

The irony.

8 March – International Women’s Day and UM’s ‘delicious’ breast fixation

Eunice Minford.

She’s a Belfast surgeon with the NHS. But you probably already know that because you can’t go anywhere on the internet without stumbling upon one of her rigorous million world spiels in defence of UM. She’s been out front batting for her religious investment since 2012. Yet UM still blames me for their reputation.

In 2016, she was flogging its commercial exorcisms. She also shared how special and beautiful Esoteric Breast Massage makes her feel in her innermost.

I have felt a deliciousness within me at times during the EBM which is beautiful beyond words. And I know that is there all the time for me to reconnect with if I so choose. Foundational Breast Care site



Beautiful beyond belief – NHS surgeon Eunice Minford sells Esoteric Breast Massage

Minford also presented a paper on EBM at the University of Greenwich with Michelle Sheldrake and Sara Williams of UM’s plush London quackery shop, Spherical Living. Real Esoteric SCIENCE. How was that received? Eunice. Hm? UM front, Foundational Breast Care’s grand plans to spruik EBM all over the UK got nipped in the bud after that. If I’m not mistaken.

In 2018, she’s back for esoteric revenge on my Unpacking UM video series (see below), and on her high horse about her modality of ‘deliciousness’. UM have even produced a sell-abratory interview between the electrified mushroom cap and her idol. All about breasts. If anyone makes it to the end of the 20 minutes without reaching for an anti-emetic, let me know.

But she also blogged about it. Again. And what a howler it is…

Esoteric Breast Massage: Quackery and Titillation or Transformational Healing Modality?

by Eunice J Minford MA FRCS Ed. Consultant General Surgeon, N.Ireland

Breast Massage – it must be sexual, right?

It’s interesting isn’t it, how the insertion of one word can significantly alter our perception and approach to massage. There is no issue with saying back massage, leg massage, head massage, foot massage, hand massage – there is no laughter, ridicule, guffawing, innuendo…  EBM Quackery & Titillation

Penis massage.

Testicle massage.

Eunice has never heard of the term ‘massage parlour‘.

They lead a sheltered life, these Esoterics…

– we pretty much accept that all these areas can be and are massaged and can have a beneficial effect on the body – but as soon as we mention the word ‘breasts’ – the shutters come down, we back off and perhaps think ‘no way’, ‘not on my body’ or those of a different gender endeavour to sexualise it, make jokes, innuendo comments & ridicule – showing they haven’t really moved past the schoolboy age of ten where breasts are concerned; titillation (pun intended) being the order of the day. Yet, given we can have beneficial effects from massage on many other parts of the body, surely it’s also possible that esoteric breast massage can assist us with our healing and self-caring approach to our health?

Even though there is absolutely NOTHING sexual about an Esoteric Breast Massage (EBM),

If Eunice feels it to be so, it must be the truth.

the media and others, including conventional doctors, immediately assume there is, or must be and that anyone promoting or partaking in such a modality must be dodgy, perverted, into quackery, on a ruse or have a few screws loose…  Universal Medicine have been vilified and ridiculed by the media and castigated by those who are ignorant about the technique, how it works energetically and its energetic benefits…it is a technique that is only performed by women on women…

‘Energetic’ being a synonym for hoax, imaginary, contrived, or bullshit.

Of course, some will say the difference between head, leg, back, foot, hand massage, and breast massage is that the breasts are used for sexual pleasure and the other areas are not. There speaks someone who is missing out on other erogenous zones of the body in their private life! Of course, this is not part of the professional massage technique for these other areas, but it is naive to think that only the breasts are zones of arousal or sexual pleasure. 

Someone needs to introduce Eunice to the law. (It’s a temporal thing.) You can be charged with assault for touching someone against their wishes. You can’t be charged with sexual or indecent assault for touching someone’s foot against their wishes. (Provided it’s with your hands and not an erogenous part of your body.)

Not only that, but the quality that a practitioner (be it a doctor, nurse or physio) lives, comes with them to a session. So someone who lives with a high degree of personal responsibility and integrity will bring those qualities to the session. And someone who, for example, does a lot of porn carries that energy with them to the session. So your everyday masseuse giving you a back massage can lace you with sexual energy if they do a lot of porn without going near any sexual organ or zone!


Anyway, see above. Legal standpoint. We’ve already heard UM claim people have been sexually abused for partaking in consensual sex which they enjoyed. UM had the gall to make the claim to a woman who baulked at having her breasts groped. Now we’re seeing UM claim that using ‘energetic healing’ as an excuse to fondle breasts, and for UM’s mercenary enablers to fantasize about breast groping, isn’t ‘sexual’ – it’s ‘medicine’.

They’ve got it arse about.

Esoteric arse massage?

Sexual Preference of the Practitioner

The vagina is also utilised in sex, but people do not think their gynaecologist is going to get off on performing vaginal examinations; it is accepted as a necessary part of looking after one’s body to have regular smears and vaginal examination when needed to investigate symptoms. Whether a doctor is a lesbian, or heterosexual male or not is irrelevant, as it is a professional examination and very much distinguished from one’s personal life and any crossing of that boundary instigates disciplinary procedures. Similarly, a urologist may need to examine the testicles, prostate and penis, but he/she does not need to declare his/her sexual preference beforehand. Being a gay man or heterosexual woman does not exclude them from being a urologist – and quite rightly so.  Esoteric Breast Massage – Quackery and titillation or transformational healing modality 

Medical practitioners have legitimate medical reasons for examining those parts of the body, and performing procedures on them, that serve legitimate and proven medical purposes and yield measurable medical results. They are only registered to do so after years supervised study at officially recognized institutions and they are required to comply with national laws at risk of deregistration and prosecution.

If doctors started going both hands on breasts and telling women they were helping them to ‘reconnect with the sacredness of their cervix’, they’d be before the medical board. Deservedly. With criminal charges as a chaser.

EBM-both hands.png

Esoteric Breast Massage – ‘lovingly’ applied – Foundational Breast Care site

Esoteric Breast Massage is a grubby scam. Women are misled into signing consent forms that can’t possibly be legally binding.

Descriptions of the procedure on UM’s promo sites also describe it in the same terms inhabitants of the real world recognize as sexual seduction. Candles, mood music, scented creams.

She started the session with some Esoteric Connective Tissue Therapy, which allowed me to relax and go deeper into my body. Soon, I had virtually forgotten that I was about to have an EBM. She tenderly moved the towel, which was covering my chest, to one side to expose my right breast. I was still feeling wonderfully relaxed. As she delicately placed massage cream around my breast, I felt at ease. I was doing well. I felt wholly supported and respected. The love in the room was palpable.

The massage was slow and gentle and moved in lovely big anti clockwise circles around my breast.  Women in Livingness blog

Eunice continues:

Likewise, those performing Esoteric Breast Massage do not get off on breast massage – and again whether they are a lesbian or a heterosexual woman does not matter,

It matters if women have to be persuaded into it, they’re reassured it’s only practised by women, and they find out later the practitioner’s a lesbian, her cohort can’t keep their hands off each other, and have bizarre beliefs about sex and consent. That’s not informed consent. It’s a con. It’s a bogus therapy that has no legitimate health benefits and that is not made clear.

as it is a non-sexual technique performed professionally and definitely not for any self-gratification, sexual or otherwise. So clearly, as is well established in the practice of medicine, a practitioner of medicine or Esoteric Breast Massage does not need to declare their sexual preference.  The technique is definitely not about sexual pleasure for the practitioner or the recipient. One only has to experience the technique from a Universal Medicine trained practitioner to know this to be so. That said, it is a technique performed by women only, because of the nature and sensitivity of the technique, respect for the client and the depth of healing that can be attained by a woman who has cleared similar issues and reconnected to her sacredness and can offer that same depth of healing to her client.

Regardless of the practitioner’s sexual preference, it’s still groping breasts under a pretence at ‘healing’, plus an earful of damaging nonsense.

I skimmed the rest. It’s the usual insufferable UM crap. Minford has been at this for years. And the disclaimer at the end is insufficient. It needs to say there are no proven health benefits, and none likely, that the modality was devised by a bloke who has no qualifications, is based in quasi-religious occult beliefs, it comes with indoctrination spiels, and the author has a longstanding religious and ideological investment in UM. Anything less than full disclosure is insufficient.

Happy International Women’s Day.

DISCLAIMER: Esoteric breast massage is a complementary therapy and is not part of conventional ‘evidence based medicine’. No claims are made as to its efficacy on physical health conditions. The author writes from personal experience combined with an understanding of Esoteric healing, Esoteric philosophy and energy. It is for the reader to discern whether Esoteric Breast Massage is, or could possibly be, of benefit to a woman’s wellbeing. Any concerns regarding your breasts or your health should be discussed with your doctor.  Esoteric Breast Massage – Quackery and titillation or transformational healing modality 

Unpacking Universal Medicine videos

Stay tuned. It’s likely to be a busy month with lots of developments.

In case you missed it, UM contractors, The Co-Creative – Jonathan Baldwin, Rebecca and Simon Asquith, and Clayton Lloyd, have submitted their third copyright infringement takedown notice to YouTube, meaning episodes two to four of my Unpacking UM and the Way of the Livingness documentaries have been taken down. They did not act on the first two take down notices, so the first two videos were restored. I wrote about it in my Panic Censorship post, with the lurid legal threats UM tried last month. They were so serious about trying to bully me to take them down, they shunted Paula Fletcher aside to hire a scary media lawyer. If UM are silly enough to take legal action to try and keep them down, I’ll defend it. In spades. I already have a big bunch of media lawyers on my team, and we’ll go for costs as well.

Whether it’s a matter of weeks or months, I’ll let you know when they’re back and they’ll also be automatically restored to the playlist.


Plus my EBM exposé.

174 Comments on “Universal Medicine detractions, retractions, titillations & gossip March 2018”

  1. UM UK Update says:

    Building news from The Lighthouse, Frome. Money well spent. UM followers love it there.


  2. The Smelterer says:

    How about an episode on the gullible suckers driving this wobbly bus? “True Believers”? “True Sycophants”? “Truely Revolting”.

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