Glorious Music® – an Esoteric audiovisual assaultPosted: August 20, 2013
Just when you thought your senses had recovered from the dissonant strains of the Lie Lie Lie Sisters’ hymn to sexual abuse denial, the Universal Medicine cult’s own muzak label has mercilessly pasted another ‘production’ on YouTube. And no, consumption of large amounts of intoxicants does nothing to improve the quality.
As always, we’ll be fair and constructive in our review of the thing. For a start, the track is about four minutes too long, and we think the video would have looked better if Natalie danced in a black full body stocking against the same background. Truly, we can empathize with the Benhayons. Having no talent is nothing to be ashamed of – the bunker staff have none either. However, what they should be ashamed of is charging money for the vast array of unpolished turds they continue to unleash on their covertly hypnotized customers.
Fair as our reviews are, the Benhayons care not for our constructive criticism. They haven’t posted our comments:
I thought I was much fairer than the Lord of Form, who commented it was ‘appall-ing’. I’d post the screenshot but it has too many typos, tsk! Honestly, he’s a more incompetent internet troll than Paula Fletcher. (And I mean that in the nicest possible way 😉 )
Among the other reviews, remote bunker staff member, Super Sleuth, described it as the most bland insipid crap he’s ever heard and that it inspired him to vomit. RippledDonut described the perpetrators as ‘twats’ and the crime itself as ‘tasteless and hard to swallow’. I’m sure some of you will say worse in the comments below, so really, my review is nothing if not compassionate.
I doubt it will ever make it to the X-Idol, or My Master Chef Rules or whatever, but it could get a gong on the new reality warbling competition, the Cult Factor, unless the Hare Krishnas roll them.
But Kyle reckons he’s seen worse. (Play it Big?)
And don’t think for a minute I plan to post every bit of crud the cult throws onto YouTube. For a start there’s the sensibilities of the public to consider, and our duty to TASTE. But also, the devotees are likely to have an Esoteric cadenza and launch into a frenzy of protest buying the more we rip into this shit. Instead of forking out for two copies, they’ll buy three or four, while dancing a semi comatose jig to the Benhayon polka, which goes to the tune of KERRRCHING!!
Anyway, we can’t possibly leave that thing lying around the blog without posting an antidote. To all who’ve suffered from listening to the above, here’s a little something from Nile and friends to help get the mojo back.