Glorious Music® – an Esoteric audiovisual assault

Just when you thought your senses had recovered from the dissonant strains of the Lie Lie Lie Sisters’ hymn to sexual abuse denial, the Universal Medicine cult’s own muzak label has mercilessly pasted another ‘production’ on YouTube. And no, consumption of large amounts of intoxicants does nothing to improve the quality.

As always, we’ll be fair and constructive in our review of the thing. For a start, the track is about four minutes too long, and we think the video would have looked better if Natalie danced in a black full body stocking against the same background. Truly, we can empathize with the Benhayons. Having no talent is nothing to be ashamed of – the bunker staff have none either. However, what they should be ashamed of is charging money for the vast array of unpolished turds they continue to unleash on their covertly hypnotized customers.

Fair as our reviews are, the Benhayons care not for our constructive criticism. They haven’t posted our comments:


I thought I was much fairer than the Lord of Form, who commented it was ‘appall-ing’. I’d post the screenshot but it has too many typos, tsk! Honestly, he’s a more incompetent internet troll than Paula Fletcher. (And I mean that in the nicest possible way 😉 )

Among the other reviews, remote bunker staff member, Super Sleuth, described it as the most bland insipid crap he’s ever heard and that it inspired him to vomit. RippledDonut described the perpetrators as ‘twats’ and the crime itself as ‘tasteless and hard to swallow’. I’m sure some of you will say worse in the comments below, so really, my review is nothing if not compassionate.

I doubt it will ever make it to the X-Idol, or My Master Chef Rules or whatever, but it could get a gong on the new reality warbling competition, the Cult Factor, unless the Hare Krishnas roll them.

Either way, Cowell was unimpressed.CowellFacepalm

But Kyle reckons he’s seen worse. (Play it Big?)

SandilandsYeah. Humph.

And don’t think for a minute I plan to post every bit of crud the cult throws onto YouTube. For a start there’s the sensibilities of the public to consider, and our duty to TASTE. But also, the devotees are likely to have an Esoteric cadenza and launch into a frenzy of protest buying the more we rip into this shit. Instead of forking out for two copies, they’ll buy three or four, while dancing a semi comatose jig to the Benhayon polka, which goes to the tune of KERRRCHING!!

Anyway, we can’t possibly leave that thing lying around the blog without posting an antidote. To all who’ve suffered from listening to the above, here’s a little something from Nile and friends to help get the mojo back.

19 Comments on “Glorious Music® – an Esoteric audiovisual assault”

  1. Darkly Venus says:


    After I got over the initial sensory insult, I listened to the lyrics. As usual, it’s never mind the rorting, lies, molesting, abuse denial and secrecy, TAKE A SELFIE! Because you’re a ‘beauty-full’ self obsessed abuse enabler superannuating a sexual predator.

    Sung and danced by his primary captives. FFS.

    If they ever escape, they might want to take some lessons.

    Nice touch with the Esoteric ® symbol, by the way. Cult lawyer, Paula Fletcher, can’t get confused by tricky complicated laws and shit and falsely accuse us of trademark infringement that way. Yeah, we’re really trying to make money passing ourselves off as Glorious Music® by blatantly lampooning their tone deaf garbage.

    Anyway, praise heaven for Daft Punk.

  2. susieQ says:

    “Check the music collection of Benhayon’s students (they are not “followers”, he insists) and
    many of their classical, jazz, pop, soul, country, folk and rock favourites have been replaced by
    the “genius talent” of Benhayon’s student Chris James or Benhayon’s wife, Miranda, or son
    Michael, who is also a “chakra puncture” practitioner and teacher.“

    Serge calls it esoteric or ‘glorious’ music,” says one person who attended his workshop. “He says, ‘This is going to be the most amazing music you’ll ever hear, on another level of energy’, and it’s essentially cheesy ’90s bad romantic pop. It’s awful

    A few years ago, Benhayon decided that listening to Elvis Presley’s music was once again permissible because he had returned to earth as an “esoteric” being. Elvis started his career “fiery” but then got lost in the “pranic” world of ambition, alcohol and drugs before his death in
    Memphis 35 years ago. Now he was back, living the life of “quite a simple guy”, his energy clear.”David Leser :: ARTICLES‎
    Good Weekend :: ….. David Leser meets self-styled healer Serge Benhayon Read Article.
    The Da Vinci Mode Good Weekend :: 25-08-2012

    I could barely listen to 10 seconds of this latest pranic gig. Fully sic – it’s absolutely awful awful.

  3. RJM says:

    Oh dear. It’s uh, really not very good at all, is it? Hard to believe, but this is possibly even worse than anything from the ‘Glory Of This Life’ disc, which I had the misfortune of suffering through more times than I care to remember. Forget Ozzy Osbourne or Judas Priest, if any music was designed to inspire suicidal thoughts in the listener, it’s this shit.

  4. SubRosa says:

    Huh ……………….????

    I think they are Aliens.

  5. Y says:

    Argh! Came straight from Freddie Mercury to this.. The esoteric ability to consume Benhayon´s dilettantish work and call it divine just because it is felt through brain-washed senses still “amazes” me.

  6. you know who's insulted brother says:

    Leave the Lord of Form alone. He couldn’t find his specs and his eyes were watering having endured that appall-ing video.

    Forget the “music” the real travesty is the members react-ions. Talk about disconnected from reality. Stone the crows- this stuff is so bad that a four year old would have a tanty having to listen to it. But these guys steadfastly suck up to the Benhayons and will probably listen to it over and over- their brains going “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- get me the fuck out of here!!!” and their mouth going “amazing, soul-ful” -especially with each other with glazed looks in their eyes.

    Micheal, left alone in the real world you wouldn’t make it is a busker outside goonellebah IGA. In fact, they would move you on with a broom stick and a pitiful look. Miranda- we know you are a victim- but do you need to punish everyone else? Cult members- c’mon you know it is atrocious. Remember that great music you used to listen to that inspired you, made you feel alive, sad, happy, expansive? Lets call that equivalent to reality, and young Mike’s mess equivalent to Serge’s mind messing madness. Got it? Okay- listen carefully: The music that is being foisted on you is the equivalent to the ludicrous doctrines you have accepted that have committed you to buying 2 copies of this heartless auditory assault.

    Meritless, lifeless, colourless, meaningless, musicless, monstrous crap.

    After hearing that yesterday I spent the rest of the day listening to real music just to ensure that all memory of it was obliterated from my mind in case it was infected with a trojan. It’s a stretch but it might be one explanation for the bizzare sycophantic behavior of the members.

  7. SubRosa ™ says:

    The comments, as always, are beyond me…
    I think “fabulous” is on his way to become the new cult- word of the month. Which I do not accept: I like the word ‘fabulous’ . I already ditched “awesome” & “amazing” out of my vocabulary because of them. They can have “sassy”, though.

  8. Lou says:

    OMG!!! Forget the tinny substandard music and horrible lyrics. (I went to my son’s school singing soiree (thats a tongue twister) on the weekend and it was way better then that)
    The dancing is atrocious. Jeez louise what are they on. I did better choreography when I was 9 to Abba in the 70’s on our dining room table. They are trying to be cute and twee and it just doesn’t work. I am sure Surge, wants to make a buck out of the tween market. Lets hope tweens have better taste.

  9. Lou says:

    Yes SubRosa I agree with you. I wish they would stop using words that I want to use. I really like Superb so they better not start saying that. “Serge the Superb-less”

  10. Lou says:

    Seriously, when will the students realise they have lost all their cognitive discernment? They like anything UM produces without using any part of their brain that might say “its crap”? I am actually impressed by Serge’s power over them. I can’t quite believe that people follow so blindly and devoutly…

  11. MacReady says:

    Serge loves to claim that this is music that doesn’t need anyone to like it. If that is true why market it in the first place? And why are the YouTube comments moderated to prevent any less than glowing opinions being posted (i.e those coming from anyone with ears to hear and/or not in the cult)?

  12. Darkly Venus says:

    Some of you might remember the post I wrote UM cult music, and how Serge demonizes all music except that produced by the cult.

    As MacReady said, the cult doesn’t care if customers don’t like the music, as long as they buy it.

    From EDG notes:

    Juzzie Smith, Chris James, Michael Benhayon all put out music that doesn’t need you to like it.

    And you know who’s cranky bro is right in that music is documented as a tool in trance induction in preparation for brainwashing. Serge fully acknowledges it and knows exactly what he’s doing by putting out this repetitive hogwash to keep followers brain cells distracted from the rorting and abuse.

    Serge than talked about music again – how it enters through the whole body, that it is a certain energy that sits and waits for you moments to bring out the emotions it is storing in you.
    How this energy will instruct you how to think, what to do/say etc and you will not even realize.

    He seeks to make the message an exclusive cult message by demonizing all other forms of music.

    Music comes with an energy which affects us. Classical music is much more harming than rock music. Meditation music the most harmfull. Harmful energy from music which you have aligned to lays dormant with body waiting for a moment to be triggered. Configures your body.


    You have let it in because of a need. Music is laced with poison.

    But also monopolizes the music buying habits of followers, because only Esoteric muzak is ‘energetically correct’, thereby keeping their spending within the cult.

    The other sinister thing about the above ditty to masturbation is the voyeuristic element – Miranda singing about looking at herself in the mirror, finding herself sexy and taking a picture becomes even more creepy knowing Serge is behind all of this. And we know Serge likes to watch and likes photography – a la teaching Esoteric Breast Massage for his Brides to perform earnestly on each other, and having himself photographed touching Natalie and the genitals of another woman and watching his students touch other’s erogenous zones at his instruction.

    Natalie’s performance, which some commenters on YouTube have called ‘sexy’ but ‘dignified’ is neither, and creepier again with Serge in command. Serge touches 14 year old Natalie inappropriately on camera, AND oversees her private life to this day. It’s another extension of his sexual manipulation that involves members of his own family, and it’s rotten.

  13. SubRosa ™ says:

    It is really disturbing isn’t it? To think that Rebecca Baldwin (if I am not mistaking, they’re all the same) started to cry, because she felt so valued in being sexy, is gross.


    Lou@ I am serious about the words: certain words and concepts; and even profane daily things might never ring the same again, after digging into this group.

    • Yes. UniMed has made us in the bunker averse to so many words now, especially the word ‘truth’ – rendered meaningless by the Esoterics’ hostility to facts.

      They’ve also managed to invert the meanings of love, sexy, healing, spirit, prana, cult, integrity, connect, soulful, bully and abuse – so that those words when used by Esoteric numbskulls mean precisely the opposite to accepted dictionary meanings.

      The meaning of ‘esoteric’ is also long lost to these fools.

      • You know whos linguistically challenged brother says:

        You’ve got it all wrong- It’s ‘in-truth’, in truth. Or more specifically, one-unified-truth, or if in doubt, spherical truth. WTF is truth?

  14. You know whos brother who knows what glorious music really is. says:

    An antidote to Michael and Miranda’s insipid assault on musical sensibilities.

    Now this is glorious music. You can take the lyrics anyway you want. But when I hear love, I hear- kindness, acceptance, loyalty, supportiveness, forgiveness, forbearance, tenderness, empathy, care, inclusion, self-less-ness.

    More or less the opposite to the UM narcissistic self serving version.

    When I hear illusion, I hear self-deception, group-think, mind-less-ness, ignorance, irrationality, pigheaded-ness, non- communicative-ness, self interested-ness. Oh and stupidity. And possibly Christoph.