More money for more nothing – Universal Healing Symbols

A Universal Medicine cult specialty is selling worthless services and dubious merchandise at a premium price, and reselling them…and reselling them. Universal Healing Symbols, sold in several sizes, were ‘impressed’ on Serge Benhayon presumably soon after he sat on the toilet in 1999 to contemplate his bankruptcy and heard sweet and beautiful voices that told him to start a cult. For years he’s re-impressed the symbols on his followers ranging in price from AUD$5 for a celo glazed postcard to $160 for a ‘business clearing map’ printed on soulfully laminated art board. Benhayon says these overpriced, funny looking bits of rubbish assist with healing, but he also says that about having your genitals palpated by an unqualified numbskull.

UPDATE: Serge Benhayon has squealed copyright infringement and issued a DMCA takedown notice for the images of his oh so beauty-fully designed bits of crap. Lucky he had some help from Paula not on the payroll Fletcher of Universal Law, otherwise WordPress might not have known WTF he was on about.

UPDATE IV: The bogus copyright infringement claims failed, Paula Fletcher is full of shit, and the symbols iz back!! They so totally belong on the internet, yes?

The following is an artist’s impression of Mr Benhayon composing his healing symbols.

Warez mai sizzas?

 

Esoteric marketing

The healing symbols site is another Esoteric miracle of marketing – flogging ugly, design challenged cards by making quasi-claims.

We do not claim any results being achieved through using these symbols, but what we can say is that the Universal Healing Symbol Cards have helped and worked for hundreds of people. http://www.healing-symbols.com/

We don’t claim they work, but they work.

A bit like what Serge said about Esoteric Breast Massage curing gyne conditions including cancer.

Although the EBM does not set-out to cure nor claim it, there have been many who have reported a curing of long held ill conditions, if not, at least an improvement thereafter following a series of treatments. (Benhayon in Spa Australasia Magazine, 2009, p.108)

He must have used the same script writer.

Anyway the cards are too special and sacred or silly looking or whatever for him to display on the website.

We are not displaying any of the cards in full as they need to be felt and not judged by the lowermind. They can be felt by connecting to them in our inner-heart. Healing Symbols site

We ARE displaying some cards because it’s the lower minds of a bunch of our readers that have to go out and earn the $$ to throw into the Benhayons’ dishonest earn-a-Livingness.

Grand designs

They’re not exactly great art. Which is surprising really because Universal Healing Symbols (ABN 258 3375 6131) is a business partnership between fifth level initiate, Serge Benhayon, and cult graphic designer, Desiree Delaloye. He reckons he was Leonardo da Vinci in a past life, but Serge’s artistic talents are about as good as his grammatical skills, any why produce such hideous designs when he could have got Desiree to pretty them up. One might conclude he’s not only taking the piss out of his followers, but her as well. Clearly she’s willing to ditch her aesthetic standards if she’s getting a cut of the profits. Postcards don’t cost much to produce, after all, and most of the UM postcards are selling for $7.50 a piece. In the temporal world, that’s two cups of coffee, Rebecca Balderdash, and a weeks wages for a sweatshop worker in Bangladesh.

Anyway, forget Desiree, one of the contributors to the Rick Ross Forum pointed out the similarities between Serge’s designs and Chinese tangrams.

These are not healing symbols.

These are Chinese tangrams. Found for free on the internet.

Genius!

Except Serge took a few extra minutes of his precious time to bastardize them with a few curves and some arbitrary scissor work.

But enough about his problematic aesthetics. What do the symbols do? And more importantly, do they work?!

Reverse side of the Extractor 1 – Femaleness Healing Symbol postcard $7.50 at your local UniMed retailer

At least we get to see Desiree’s sophisticated artwork in the upper right corner. The warning at the bottom is even more artistic. Copying or reproducing the symbol (regardless of copyright laws which allow us to do so for the purposes of criticism or satire etc.) alters the EFFECTIVENESS of these symbols. I guess that explains why they do nothing.

Note the instructions which say to restore one’s femaleness (and we know that women with gynecological disorders are lesser women because Serge said so) one must place them under the sacrum for a minimum of 20 minutes – which means one must sit on the wretched thing. And we’ve heard a heap of cult members never leave the house without one tucked down their undies. Luckily it tells them to remove after use, but it might help to add some tips on deodorizing and disinfecting.

It’s no wonder they sell so many.

Some readers may remember that Venus road tested one when the Lords of Form were giving her the gripes, but they stayed parked on the couch, and all she got was a sweaty bumcrack and some advice from one of our regular readers to try talcum powder. 

The Road Test

After we threw away the one Venus sat on, we scattered a few around the bunker and lit a few clearing candles to see if they’d do what SERGE SAYS.

Reading Symbol 1: Remove the hidden and imposing energies.

This symbol helps to arrest the radiatory energy that can come through some reading material. It helps remove the ill consciousness of old that can impose on and right through the reader.

We bunged Serge’s bankruptcy document on this, and I don’t know if it’s an ill consciousness or radiating anything or something, but the document still said he was bankrupt, and he still owes people money. We stuck Esoteric Teachings and Revelations (Benhayon, 2011) on it, but it didn’t improve. It was just as silly as ever.

Hang on, does that mean it worked?

Moving along.

Removalist 1: Heavy Duty Energy Cleanser

I tell ya, the atmosphere in the bunker sometimes, tsk! This is the one we would probably fork out money for if it worked, so we all gave this a go. We even took turns in an orderly manner.

This symbol can act as a heavy duty cleanser when you feel imposed upon by another energy or if anger or frustration are expressed toward you. It can also assist during periods of low self-esteem and general heaviness.

The Lords of Form reckon they suffer low self esteem because people make fun of their capes and how wimpy they look when they get off their horses. This caused Venus to feel imposed upon, because she’s tired of them gloating how cult members are scared of them, particularly when they are seen coming out of the bottle shop with more than one bottle of pinot gris. Then they reckoned her anger and frustration was imposing on their feelings. We all, however, agreed they are in a period of general heaviness, especially after that last pastry bender.

Anyway, we sat on the symbol, laid on it, burnt candles, prayed to it, meditated on it and all that. We really wanted the thing to work, but in the end we still got cranky at the mention of Serge and UM, the Lords of Form still had paunches and continued to fight over the remote control, Venus got the snarks and started ironing right in front of the telly obscuring the LOF’s line of sight and causing an uproar, the dairy products were still fat, the toast still had gluten in it and I was still strident, provocatively dressed, rude and Pranic.

I think we can safely say they didn’t work.

Later we took our clothes off and played scrabble, and that sorted everything.

Oh, and we found a better use for the symbols…

But $7.50 is too expensive for a poor quality coaster

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